Tricycles

All folks who are bipolar experience some kind of cycling. For many folks, that means months of one mood, then flipping to another. As I've discussed before here, I'm a rapid cycler. Which means I cycle every few days. And my ups are "mixed states," which means a little of the up and a little of the down, all at the same time. In order to see what's going on, my doctor has me charting my moods. In order to picture my chart, think about a wild roller coaster ride that goes non-stop. And, yes, it is exhausting.

In order to stop cycling, I am on three different mood stabilizers. That's right, three. And none of them have seemed to put a dent into my mood. During my last doctors appointment he noted that I was on three anti-cycling drugs, and I was still cycling. Three drugs - so that makes my cycles tricycles!

This week I had a few days in a row that were the same mood. From a cycling standpoint, that's a good thing. However, the mood wasn't up to a normal mood, so that was a downside. It's hard to know which is better, dealing with the roller coaster - in which case you know the down won't last, but also know the up won't either. And the up isn't that great. Or staying stuck in one place.

This, my friends, is one of the main dilemnas of bipolar disorder.

Maybe someday I'll graduate to a bicycle.