Inspiration

I'm sitting at my computer with my sick, lice ridden daughter is playing on the floor.  Looking for inspiration on what to write today.  I guess today what strikes me is two things:  1) isn't it a bummer when "real" life gets messy and ugly and you still don't feel well, and 2) how am I going to know exactly when I will feel better or normal.  Everyone says that I'll know, but it's been so long I'm really not sure.  And of course, I'm not sure I believe everyone, even with the recent improvements.

My therapist, however, did a good job yesterday of actually convincing me that I was sick.  That's not an easy thing to do, but she's a good therapist.

And yes, life moves on whether you like it too or not.  Maybe it's a good thing, may it's not.  But I don't really have a choice.  I will nit pick again, and tend to her sick belly.  I will make dinner, and smile at the dinner table.  I will clean the bathroom, and review my work e-mails from home.  Because none of these things care whether or not I'm bipolar and symptomatic.  They just keep piling on.  Maybe that's why folks go into the hospital.  Not just because they need to be safe, but also to rid themselves of the strain of daily life.

So, on my first point, will I know that I'm better when I can slog through all this with a smile? Can anyone?  What does it mean to be happy?  Is that the same as having my symptoms under control?  Is happiness everyone's normal state?