The Camp Counselor at bipolar day camp made this statement the other day: "Your feelings are not fatal unless you act upon them." OK - all you "normal" people out there are shrugging your shoulders saying, "yeah, so what." But for me and my brain, this was a revolutionary thought. This counselor was the most brilliant woman I had ever met. She was handing me the scrolls with the laws of nature on them. The skies opened up, birds sang, and the theme music played.
Seriously.
And I'm not the only one in that room that felt that way. We all wrote it down with reverence in our notebooks. To be studied and chewed over at home. Over and over.
Because my thoughts and feelings feel like they will kill me. It's that simple. If you've never experienced this, I can't really explain it. Just think sci-fi or some super magical fantasy. It really feels like I will keel over and expire. Right there, right then. And the pain is so intense, you really aren't sure if it wouldn't be a good thing. 'Cause it would end the pain. And the pain just seems endless at that point. Always existing, and always will exist. I really believe it is going to kill me.
But now I mutter to myself under my breath, "my feelings are not fatal unless I act, my feelings are not fatal unless I act." Because, my friends, I need the reminder.
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