I (don't ) feel pretty or depression and self esteem

Again, faced with a morning where I wake up and the ruminations and crying start right away, I thought I'd get up and opine instead.

So, depression wrecks your self-esteem.  Known fact.  Here's one way.  I used to enjoy being girly.  I used to feel pretty and strong and powerful when I would paint my toenails and put together a cute outfit.  I liked being "matchy" and putting thought and energy into it.  I enjoyed the feeling.  I enjoyed the admiration of my husband.

Now every outfit I pull together seems to have something wrong with it.  I can't ever quite get the shoes to go.  The pants don't really fit (OK - the weight roller coaster is another topic altogether.)  I can't seem to remember to buy tights that don't have runs or holes in them.  My hair never seems to be quite right.  And I can't get up the energy to paint my nails.  And then when I do I don't have the energy to take the polish off, so it peels and looks awful.  And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Yes, I believe my husband still makes admiring comments.  But it feels so vastly different being depressed.  Or maybe it's the heartbreak.  But I really miss the feeling.

Depression stinks.