Wednesday, January 30, 2008

To sleep. perchance to dream. . .

(OK - I saw Hamlet this weekend)

I know I've written about dreams before, but bear with me.  Last night I had two vivid sequences:  a long and involved nightmare and a gorgeous, happy, lovely dream.  The happy dream came right before I woke up.  I was happy, really happy, not just not depressed.  For a moment when I woke up it lingered.  It was nice.

The reality set in.  And I started to worry about my mood, and sure enough, as the morning went on it got worse.  And my worrying got worse along with it.  I am very very anxious today.

I had a lousy day yesterday - the worst in over a week.  Intellectually I know that recovery can be a two steps forward, one step back kind of deal.  But emotionally it is so hard to get back on that horse.  

Wouldn't it be nice if I could believe that my dreams came from a higher power?  Or even my subconscious?  Giving me the strength to get back on the horse?  Of course, how would we explain the nightmare that came first then.

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