Why I live

To say it's been a rough day would be an understatement.  So, while I wait for my pdoc to call back (to discuss, yet again,  the potential for hospitalization or more med changes), I thought it would be helpful to set forth some reasons for staying on this planet.  The other choice is to sit on my bed and cry and give into the God-awful ruminations that I'm dealing with today.  So, we'll try this instead and if it doesn't help anyone else, perhaps it will help me.

So, why I don't just off and kill myself.  Really there is only one reason.  My children.  I could try and come up with a longer list, and sorry Mom, hubby and other friends and family, but the real reason is my two girls.  I don't feel like I'm much of a Mom at the moment - I'm frequently either a crying mess or a screaming banshee.  But a broken Mom is still a Mom they can see, touch and hear.

So, as a friend once said, you do the best you can and let them pay for their own therapy.  No question my children will need it.  Poor souls.

So - my common theme - the books on depression talk so much about how to repair relationships that are harmed by depression, or how to keep from harming them.  What they don't talk about it how hard it is to just get by.  Anything else seems like a luxury.  I'm simply not able at the moment to employ any complicated relationship building.  So what have I done for my children today?  Stayed alive.