Mindfulness and Depression

One thing we are working on in my camp is the concept of mindfulness.  I even ran out and bought the book about depression and mindfulness.  Really good concepts in theory.   (But for those of you that have read this book or ones in the same vein - I never want to eat a raisin again.)

In practice, I haven't found it - well - I'm embarrassed to say this - helpful.  I'm just not sure how being mindful can occur when I'm being hit on the head with a 2x4.  Seriously.  It doesn't thrill me to think about being mindful of my suffering, being mindful of the pain I'm in, mindful of the hurt I feel, mindful of the knife in my back and the dodge ball in my stomach.  Mindful of the destruction about me that is my life.

I want it to be better.  I really do.  I'll keep practicing and taking my meds.  But nothing seems to make a difference in the long run.  And I'm mindful of that.