Tuesday, January 8, 2008

How World of Warcraft saved my life (and maybe my marriage)

I've been meaning to write this up for a while. For those who wonder about how "World of Warcraft" got into my profile along with all the mental illness. Back in the beginning, before the crash, my then boyfriend (now husband) introduced me to his passion - online gaming. Not realizing that I had an addictive streak, he didn't know what he was getting into. I quickly became enamored of World of Warcraft. And we happily started playing our characters together (for those coming from the WoW link - I play a druid, a hunter and a warlock primarily. Druid is my main. Alliance side. Currently level 61)

Then the crash, and my inability to do anything I used to do. Particularly to read. You see, many folks can't read when they are depressed. I would look at the same page over and over again and not be able to make out what it said. This was so painful for a lifelong reader. I had used books as my escape for my entire life. I lost the best and most well-loved coping mechanism I had.

But most of the time, I could play.

And so I played. And played and played. When I couldn't do anything else, when I couldn't work, I played. As long as I could get out of bed, or off the floor (which admittedly wasn't all that often in the beginning.) And when I play, sometimes, it's the closest thing I have to escape. Sometimes I can get lost in it. It's rare, but it happens. And in the game, I have goals that I can actually meet. I can complete things. I can be strong and powerful. I can progress and gain experience. I can grow as a player and make progress. I can learn new things. I can die and come back again. I can survive.

None of which I can go in real life anymore.

And for my marriage? Let's admit any illness like this is tough on a marriage - particularly a new one, particularly when the source of the ruminations comes between the two. World of Warcraft is something we can do that doesn't involve my illness. It's a way to collaborate without talking about the hurt. I think it allows my husband the chance to relax and enjoy time with me, when it's usually so painful. He gets to see me competent, even if only for a short while.

And it gives us something to talk about, to plan for.

So, what should you give your bipolar loved ones for Christmas? A slow cooker (see below) and a subscription to World of Warcraft.

22 comments:

pturbiville said...

i hear that...well except for the saving my marriage part...

when life seems totally pointless, and your day is just going to be filled with tv or something anyway...warcraft is amazing.

I have to say I have had the opposite results on the relationship front.

being in a relationship with a depressed person is hard enough, but my girlfriend hates world of warcraft. she hates the idea of it. so she hates me playing it. and needless to say, it competes for my attention and pisses her off.

I love my girlfriend, and my girlfriend hates the only thing that stops me from sleeping all day and pretty much wanting to die.

I'm in a tight spot.

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel about the game making you feel like you are actually doing something with yourself.

WoW FTW,
junkatrunk,
Fenris

Anonymous said...

I see both your point of views, and I have to say there is different ways of it affecting your life.

For me though, I am pretty depressed and sometimes need to escape reality every so often. World of Warcraft seems great however as a way to escape. It occurs to me maybe I need to stop escaping and focus on that really matters in the world.

Shaun

bendicott said...

Im sorry but Im positive your wrong. You have to find a more constructive way to deal with your issues. You should be doing everything in your power at every moment to deal with your illness. You could be finding support groups and researching more about your illness. Knowledge is power and it in the end this is the key to true happiness.

Anonymous said...

I am POSITIVE we are both wrong about Warcraft being good for depression, in the long run at least. But depressed people are, by default, not the most level headed and motivated people in the world. Lecturing us about how we need to get help doesn't help. We are depressed, not stupid. If it was so easy for us to do things that we already know are good for us, then we probably wouldn't have these kinds of problems to begin with. By the same token, if we were dumb enough not to know of some healthier alternatives to escapism, then we would probably would be ignorant enough not to be depressed about life. I don't know about you, but to me it seems that depression requires either a great deal of tragedy, or a an overly logical, painfully realistic view of the world. Many people live their lives without that view of they world. So they don't need to escape from it to begin with.

Junkatrunk
Fenris

Anonymous said...

I know this usually goes without saying, but please excuse my typos... I tend to create more typos than I started out with when I get to re-reading and editing my posts over and over...

Junkatrunk
Fenris

bendicott said...

Yes exactly. I personally have depression problems. But I do the things that are very hard for me everyday and I have gotten a lot better. I felt great today. I'm reading up everything I can about depression and its helping. It's actually a lot simpler than you make it in your mind. You just need an attitude adjustment and cognitive behavioral therapy. Life is GREAT when you can learn to be okay with yourself and your environment. It's the simple decision of deciding to deal with it. Every person has the will to break out of depression. You control your thoughts and actions.

pturbiville said...

I have had 4 therapists...3 of them literally gave up on me... as in "I just don't know what else to talk about with you, maybe we should take a break." The other one lives in a different city now...I know all about CBT, and neither that or medications work for me...

The happiest I have been in years is sitting in my bed, eating some pizza and ice cream, watching TV, an playing Warcraft at the same time. Maybe it's not out in the real world, or face to face with people, but it works better than anything else...and I really have tried a lot of things. As soon as I can imagine something I haven't already tried: WoW Account = Canceled.

P.S. Thank you, Calamity Chick, for letting us use your blog as a forum for this discussion.

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chase_lawrence said...

i say just play runescape(: and all your problems will be solved lol.

chase_lawrence said...

im gay and i played WoW but it was just to addicting, i lost my boyfriend because of it :(
saddest feeling ever, never want to feel like that again. Like when i wake up in the middle of the night, cold and shivery i think of my ex boyfriend just cuddling behind me telling me how my muscles are exquisite and his dick in my ass....just the feeling i miss it overall. WoW is my only way out of it, when im not looking at gay porn Im playing it, I have just give up over all :( </3

word from the wise said...

oh my god!!!
man before you can fix your addiction to W.o.W you must first cleanse your soul, find a woman, find god, stay away from this homosexuality!! after you fix all that, fixing World of warcraft should'nt be a problem.
word from the wise.

ftw_im me said...

gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!^

lordismysalvation said...

what a dissapointment, chase i hope you find god(:

the1typist said...

i agree!!(: chase stay straight my man, wow is a game, pussy is the gain.

chase_lawrence said...

wow man! ok this is the real chase lawrence!!!! this is me, that up theree earlier was my dumasss friend fucking around on MY COMPUTER! -___- i am straight, black and I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE PUSSY!! I AM NOT GAY AND I AM NOT ADDICTED TO WOW! OKAY?!!! THANKS!

tompho said...

are you sure chase?

chase_lawrence said...

YESS I AM SURE!!!
AS A MATTER OF FACT IM GOING TO BEAT MY FRIENDS ASS FOR DOING THIS!!! -_____-

missouri_92fb said...

chase man. just face it, you like men. you love the dick.

beavertonsfinest_92 said...

chase I am gay to, and if you really are gay, we should talk, you sound troubled and I could be of good council(:
do you have a facebook?

idabezzzt said...

chase ours hearts out here in idaho are out for you man!! keep praying, if you really are straight then good. but if you are gay, there are always alternatives.(:

Patrick;Shaun;Ben;word from the wise;ftw_im me;lord is my salvation;the1typist;tompho;missouri_92fb;beavertonsfinest_92;idabezzzt said...

chase we are just kiddding we know your not gay.(:
from
the W.o.W community in calamity chicks blog.

Sara said...

This resonates with me. I got agoraphobia in September 2011 and became depressed because of it. I couldn't do anything all day except worry... and worry... and worry. My boyfriend at the time got me into World of Warcraft and it really helped me. It provided me with a source of escapism and lifted me out by giving me people to talk to and things to achieve.

My roommate also uses World of Warcraft to de-stress him.

I wouldn't recommend it as a longterm solution to curing issues, and I do work to expose myself and have been curing my agoraphobia slowly, but for a time when I needed it, when I couldn't face anything, it gave me what I needed.